11 posts from 2006

my vampire name.

so basically, this sucks looking for a job.
i've been babysitting and stuff, but i need somethin' consistent that'd give me a paycheck every two weeks or so.

actually, i'm feeling really irritated right now. and annoyed.
i'm probably pms-ing or something. but gah. i can't type anymore.

Your 80s Heartthrob Is

Kirk Cameron

i don't like talking about my feelings.

i'm more passive than i thought.

or maybe, i'm just plain old numb and cold inside.

my mom said that something's going to happen to me or her and all those "feelings" i've got harbored inside will be stuck with me.

now i'm freaking paranoid.

the thing is, i don't know what i'm feeling inside. so i just shrug.

besides, i think talking about how i feel is lame, corny and cliched.

basically, it's a popular thing amongst my church, but i really do hate it.

i'd rather not talk about how someone made me feel when they snapped at me, because quite frankly i get over it.

don't bother me, trying to make me feel something, because i don't.

now, i'm no emotionless robot. i feel pain, and happiness and all those other cool human emotions, i just don't.

do i have to feel something when you're yelling at me?

am i supposed to be angry or cry?

why is that so hard for people to understand? it doesn't bother me, if it did, i'd say something about it.

but i don't need this. i've exams in about two hours. a relatively easy one, but it's an exam.

doesn't matter, i probably failed that class. i didn't turn in not one assignment for powerpoint.

i don't care either.

i just don't feel like living, but i don't want to die.

sorry, for the stupid emotional, sobby, waa-waa, post, but i couldn't help it.

i might end up deleting this after a while... maybe not.

today is tuesday, i've nothing planned. i just don't like staying in my house anymore... i practically despie it. ugh.

 

I really want a laptop for christmas. That, and a car, a job, and several other items I need to survive, since I am an "adult" so to speak.

When I was younger I was hit with this creative urge to write stories. I was 13-16 and those stories sucked. I wrote poems though, and they are nice. They're posted on several obscure fiction sites, I'm sure. But today whilst waiting for the computer lab to open, I kinda wrote a beginning to a story.

Heavily influenced by the book, The Watermelon King. I finished last night, because I wasn't tired. It was a good read. I need to find some more good books. There was a point in my life where I read constantly. Now I read when I'm bored.

heh.

Besides that, I finished my paper. I probably got a "F" on that bad boy, given that it SUCKED hardxcore.

Seriously it did, and I don't even want to get it back tomorrow. Infact, I'm not even going to look at it. I cringe everytime I think about it, I really do. But at least I did it... right? right?

Well a "F" is better than no grade, I'm sure. But believe you, me, I hope I pass this class. I keep falling behind in my computer class, and so now I have about five zeros. But, every other grade is a 75% and higher... so does that give me a "C"... I hope so.

I'm starting to feel like I need to move on to the next stage of my life... I just don't know how or when that would be. And the taste of salt & vinegar is good, but it burns my lip because they are extremely chapped.

God, I need a job. Please, help me.

So, basically, I think I'm doing a good job writing my paper on why the greeks matter. Mm-hmm. It is nothing short of interesting.

I'm still on my thesis, but I assume that's the most important part. Heh. I'm kinda nervous. This is my first college paper that I've ever written. I basically b.s'd all of my papers my senior years, and made it sound real jazzy. I'm not even in english 111, so I'm a bit nervous. It's so hard to get in that class. [inserts quirky, intelligent metaphor of how getting into english 111 is like trying to get into...] I'm not that witty.

Oh well.

I'm still reading the Watermelon King. It's a lovely book, it really is. I think I might be getting a job at Toys R Us. I really hope I can get it, and the evening shifts. Seeing as I have not a car nor a liscence. I have to call up there, I'll call Tuesday.

I need to call Tia, too, because we need to hang out. We never do. I need to start calling up people more, the thing is, I hate talking on the phone, because it's always those awkward silences. That's why, when I get my cell phone again, I'm just gonna txt message people.

I really don't wanna go to class tomorrow. I've got a test in Western Civ. And I so didn't study. I've been doing all right with most of them, but just mostly c's.

eh. But this test should be good. We learned about the Romans and they are far more interesting than the Greeks in my opinion. They are truley a prime example of how power corrupts. I love it. I really do.

And he charges by the tear, till I weep no more strictly out of fear,
That I can't afford your love
and the

moon just burns above.

OKAY.

The week has been great thus far.

I'm excited, because I'm going up to Richmond this Saturday for a football tournament betwixt our churches. (Is "betwixt" even a word? And if so, did I even use it right?)

[be·twixt (b-twkst)  Pronunciation Key  
adv. & prep.

Between.

 

ahaha. thank-you, dictionary.com]

Anyways, I'm excited. So, I'm fasting from music so that the people studying could become baptized. It's so hard, because now I get all these songs in my head and I cannot do a thing about it.

But, it's all right. I just pray and badam! everything is alright.

I'm really excited about something, but I do not know why. Maybe it's the weekend. Yeah, that's it!

Campus devo is Friday, and that's always good, and then I'm probably spending the night at the Serenity's Household, and that's always fun. And then Richmond.

There's supposedly this big date afterwards, but idk, I probably won't go.

I started a new book today.

The Watermelon King.

I never could remember if you were supposed to underline a book title or just throw in some quotation marks.

=/

 

 

 

Yayaya.

 

So we had bought a frog yesterday. His name was Jaquan. He died.
I miss him.
This blog was dedicated to you Jaquan.

11/10/06 - 11/10/06

I thought that was funny. Riding the bus isn't so horrible. At times, something entertaining may happen. That made me chuckle despite myself, even though I was sitting next to some guy who was like all up in his junk.
Hahaha.

Yesterday was chill. I caught up on almost all my work in my ITE 115 course thing. I'm so glad we're done with excel, because I really do hate it. I was busting out 95's-100's when we were doing WORD, but Excel is kicking my butt. I really hope Access is better. heh.

So anyways, yesterday we had bible talk, which was good. I did the super short lesson, and they said it was okay, but I don't know... I need to work on it. And then I got to hang with Alanna, which was great, because we always try to hang out, but it never happens, but we did and we learned a lot from each other.
Tonight is campus devo, and I need to give an encouragment gift to Bami. Probably some cookies and a card. That always works. Haha, yeah.

I'm almost finished reading the Outsiders. My goodness, I never realized how great that book was. I was close to, close to tears, if that made any sense. Basically I was close to the point to where I was close to tears. My nose was burning just a little bit. Ah. I cannot wait to reach the end. I'm so excited. Yess.