grrrl_plz’s blog

I love these songs.

Today, I've turned twenty-one. For some morbid reason, I never thought I'd make it this far... and I kinda don't wanna get any older than I already am.
I wanna stay 21 forever.

Forever 21.

Spiritually, I've turned six. I can't believe God has blessed me this far (even though I'm too prideful and selfish to realize all the amazing things God has given me.)

I hope my 21st year is amazing.

So here's to another year.

Until the future... later days.

i feel... what's the right word... uplifted? happy? hopeful.
i feel hopeful.

why?

i don't really know. i'm just so tired of focusing on the bad or the unknown. it's so draining. instead, i'm going to appreciate the things that i have... or don't have. i just feel like the summer is a time of transition. or maybe even a time of reflection.

but, i'm encouraged. my best friends are planning to give me a birthday party at pf changs.
i'm also encouraged for the people i don't get to see often and the chance to build new relationships.
i'm not so encouraged by having to find a new job. (long story) but, i'm eager to see how God will bless that aspect.
i'm not encouraged by my grades in school... but again... God's plans... we'll wait and see.

i just want this to be the best summer ever. and not for the cliched... "i met this boy." or "i grew boobs." sorta thing.
i want to be transformed (spiritually) i wanna use this time that i have... and it's a lot of time! to really focus on my relationship with God and with my brothers and sisters in christ.

but in completely unrelated news... i got a kitten. his name is toby. he is ADORABLE. he cries a lot, and i'm scratched to death, but he's a baby.
and everyone loves him (if not a bit afraid.).

until the future... later days.

Tobyyyy

I didn't write any entries for the month of April... shame on me.

Not much has been going on. My sleeping pattern has changed, and I don't know why... but I'm waking up at six and seven in the morning.

I feel so.. blaaaaaah, right now. Heh. I can't wait for Beachstock. I'm so excited, man. So excited.

So, I have the Star Wars theme song stuck in my head... or rather the Darth Vader theme song. I went on campus swap in Ohio... again! And although, I initially planned to go to West Palm Beach again, I decided on there.

And I'm so ever glad that I did. It was amazing. So much fun, faith lifting, and inspiring. I miss it a little. I'm job hunting again. It seems I'll never get out of this never ending cycle of... patheticness? But it's okay, because that's just more experience underneath my belt. Yeah!

I don't have much to say. I'm just ready for summer. I need to create a summer playlist. Oh man. So excited.

Campus retreat was awesome... it wasn't the best one, but it was definitely encouraging. And good Lord, I nearly froze to death out there. I felt like I was sleeping outside. It was pretty bad, but whatever... as long as I don't have to sleep like that every night.

Being a disciple of Christ is NOT fun. It isn't cool, it isn't glamorous and sometimes it just sucks.

It's hard and sometimes I feel like giving up. Sometimes when I get mad, I want to swear. Sometimes, I want to go out and drink "have some fun."

But none of that is fulfilling... it's not worthwhile or even worth it for that matter. So, why am I a Christian? WHY in the world did I decide to give my life over to God and proclaimed the three words, "Jesus is Lord." at fifteen?

At first, five or six years ago, I did it because it felt like the right thing to do at the time. Because, in a sense I didn't have anything else going for me. Most of my friends were doing it, so why shouldn't I? But I was an impostor. I knew God. I knew of his powers and all the amazing things he was capable of, but I denied those powers in my life.

I couldn't let God take full control. I wanted to be the pilot and God was just along for the ride.

How insane is that? As if I have the power to control how my life would end up. Without God, everything is insignificant. I have no purpose. So, I could get a career a husband and pop out a few babies. Woop-dee-doo.

What I'm trying to say is, I have a greater purpose in life. There are scriptures that I want and NEED to fulfill. A far greater purpose then anything in this world could give me. For once, I feel that there is a point... a reason as to why I live my life and do the things that I do.

What I have to realize is that everything in life is a fleeting passing moment, that won't last. Nothing in life is permanent nor certain. The only thing that is true and stuck is death. After I'm dead... then what? Everything I've worked for and tried to gain would be gone.

What would be my legacy when I'm gone? What will be my lasting impression? Remember, nothing on earth will last. Memories fade and then what?

I know after I'm gone I have that chance to meet my maker. (hehe) To have that chance to meet the God who created the universe. The God, who loves everyone unconditionally despite us being adulterers, turning to other pleasures and "goals" in life instead of seeking him. To have a chance to see a God that sent his son to die for me... that's a life worth living for.

How could I NOT follow the word? His word?

I don't want to live a life that is meaningless, fleeting, and after a few years no one would remember.

I want a chance to meet my God, when I'm gone. Knowing that what I did in life was worth it all.

I really wanna write(type) something in this blog. I do. I have class in, like, seventeen minutes though. I drunk a white chocolate mocha and now my stomach kinda hurts. It's also raining and I don't have an umbrella. I have a knit cap though. I need to watch Supernatural. It's a good thing I have all the seasons (except s4 because it's not finished yet.) hehehehehe.

I want to the V-day dance on V. day. It was glorious. I had an ah-mazing time and I went with a pretty cool dude. I'm making him some brownies. Oh yeah. I finally put all my clothes away so now I can see my floor. The only thing that's left are my jackets and cardigans.

I hope it gets warm reeeeeeal soon. I'm tired of this cold weather. I think the coffee made me a bit hyper. And I think I might be addicted, but like, who isn't? amirite? ...yeah

I need something new to read.

Every paragraph started with the word "I".

Am I that self centered?

You are amazing.

You are awesome.

You are loved.

Amen.

Until the future... later days.

I just finished Invisible Monsters by Chuck P.
I kinda knew what would happen because I read about it on wikipedia... but it was a good read all the same.

I've had a migraine for about eight hours now. Sleeping did not help. I hate this so much. I tend to freak myself out all the time, with thoughts of having a tumor or worse. It's freaking ridiculous.

School is going well enough. I'm taking one class... Sociology. I don't feel like I'm learning much. Eh. Hopefully it's an easy "A" God knows I need it.

So a few days ago after class I went inside one of the parking garages, downtown and took pictures of all these little sayings in each parking space. They were very fortune cookie-esque, but I thought it was very neat.

I felt awkward, though... just walking around the parking garage and taking pictures. I'm sure the parking attendants thought I was weird. Oh well.

I picniked those bad boys. They turned out quite well in my opinion.

somepursue happiness

truestlife

wildflowers

your heart

I'm trying to write again. I keep thinking that maybe, if I read some of my older stuff, I'd get inspired. So far, I just end up crumpling the paper and tossing it. That's no good. It's a bit frustrating... but I'm more disappointed in myself than anything else, really.

Hopefully, inspiration would just smack me hard in the face and I'll be on a writing frenzy. Ha!

I think I need to lay down. My head is freaking throbbing.

Life.